This is my view tonight. Which means vacation. Which, for me, means higher levels of anxiety and discomfort… in my body and emotionally. Does anyone relate to this? Vacations are hard. Especially with an eating disorder. The food is different, you’re out of your routine, you may even have to face body image exposures.
In the past, vacations have been hell for me. I would punish myself for not being home, for not training the way I wanted to be training, and for not eating the way I thought I should have been eating. And my first small trip this summer was so hard for me. I had melt downs. I had anxiety attacks. My depression really kicked in. I wanted to go home and crawl in bed. I was lucky to have my IOP therapy and therapy sessions to support me.
This vacation will be different. I only have two outpatient appointments with my therapist and dietitian. It’s less support than I’m used to. But, before I left, I made plans with my parents on how they can support me. I have check-in times with them each day and I get some quiet time to myself. In that quiet time I will allow myself to reset and do some self-care. Self-care is important. What are some ways y’all care for yourselves when you’re out of your comfort zones or just in general?
I’m also hoping this vacation will be different in a good way… I’m so much further along in my recovery than I was earlier this summer. I now know that I can allow myself to rest and relax. I now know I can eat what I want to and not what my eating disorder tells me I have to. I now know I can take some time off from my training and be okay. I now know how to care for myself. I’m prepared. Yes, my anxiety is high today and I’m feeling unbearably uncomfortable, but I’m coping in a healthy way.
Allow yourselves to relax and have fun on vacations. It may be hard, but work towards it. I had to work towards it too. Set a goal for yourself… This might look like allowing yourself to take a day off from exercise, or eating a meal you would normally restrict.
Self-care is very important. Take time to yourself. Journal. Breathe. Talk to someone you trust. Play a game. Watch a good movie. Take a hot bath. Please be kind to you! You deserve it!! You are worthy!!
Happy summer!!
How He Heals... 