Life Update!!

Hi friends!!

Life has been crazy busy, but so very sweet! This post is going to consist of a few crucial life milestones and an answer to this question: “Do you still have eating disorder thoughts?” I’ve missed writing and sharing things with y’all. My prayer for this new season of my life, which I will share all about here in a moment, is that I will be able to post about new life experiences for y’all to (hopefully) relate to! Here we go!!

February 21, 2021 ~ COMMITTED TO BAYLOR UNIVERSITY!!!

Bigggg decision, but I couldn’t have been more excited. I chose Baylor because of the community of believers I had met on campus while visiting the university. Also, super excited to be a student, and not a student-athlete. I loved my sports in high school, but the Lord was really calling me to focus on discipleship and ministry and lay down the intense focus on training, etc. We’ll talk about the transition from athlete to retired athlete in just a bit!!

April 4, 2021 ~ EASTER!!!

Last Easter I was in treatment. I was away from my family and in a place of darkness.

But I had people around me… The girls in treatment with me, my treatment team, my Christian counselor… Who were hugging me tight and telling me that Jesus died for me so that I could be born again… Because He loves ME.

God knew I needed to be there. He knew I needed to be that girl, being loved on by others. He was refining me to become more like Jesus… Putting me in a dark tomb to then see the light and rise again into new life. Thank you, Jesus.

The Saturday after the Good Friday that Jesus died on the cross, the world lost all hope. BUT- SUNDAY WAS COMING!!!! THE Sunday- the day Jesus defeated death- was coming. I was living in a state of lost hope. I was living in that Saturday over and over again. I didn’t know the Sunday was coming, and now I have the gift of that truth. Sunday came. Death was defeated. Sin was conquered. Because my Savior took the nails for me. For us all.

Yes, it was hard to be in treatment on Easter. But that’s where the true meaning of Easter really hit me. I finally realized that because of Christ’s death, I could come into His presence… I could live a new life.

I needed to be that girl, hurting and in darkness, hugged on by angels that the Lord placed in my life. I needed to be there because I needed to learn what Christ’s resurrection meant for ME. I was lost, but now I’m found. Actually, I was found before I was ever lost.

Through the resurrection of Christ, we have new life. Our Savior is FOR US. So who could ever be against us? If you are living in the Saturday of lost hope… Know that Sunday is coming. Sunday came. He rose again. Christ Jesus died for us and was raised for us, sitting at the right hand of the Father, interceding for us and loving us. What a gift.

Step into your new life with Christ. It’s so bright. I am praying for the fullness of God to envelope your hearts.

Happy belated Easter, friends. I love you, but God loves you so much more, that He sent His Son to die for YOU. Rest in that truth today.

May 28, 2021 ~ GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!!! Class of 2021, we did the thing!!! May 28th was a day full of PRAISING the Lord for getting me through four years of chaos, hardship, sweetness, memory-making, hurt, struggle, laughter, and community. Truly, I could not even imagine struggling without the Lord moving His hand in my life… I could not even imagine the sweetness of life without the Lord. What a GIFT, my friends!! See ya later, HPISD!! See ya later, sports!!!

Okay… Leaving sports has been hard. I’m no longer in a routine of training and practice and workouts. Plus, I decided to let my body rest and rejuvenate for six months before working out again. I knew my body needed rest, and my mind needed a break from the constant idea that I HAVE to be working out to earn the right to eat. I’m letting my mind retrain itself to this belief: I can and need to fuel my body ADEQUATELY regardless of the exercise it’s getting. It was hard at first… The rest… But it’s going well now. I eat and fuel my body and I don’t worry about the calories in, calories burned situation any longer. FREEDOM is what that’s called!!! Thank you, Jesus, for HEALING!!!

June 22, 2021 ~ MET MY COLLEGE ROOMIE!!! Okay, wow… What a SWEET day!!! Kaitlyn and I found each other on the Baylor 2025 Instagram page… We talked over Face Time ONE TIME and KNEW God had put us together for a reason. Praise the LORD! It was totally meant to be. Soooo much love right here!!

July 6, 2021 ~ SUMMER VACATIONS!!! My family went to the beach for a week… It was blessed time together… But we’ve talked through the mixture of mental health and vacation (especially at the beach with an eating disorder) before… It can be really challenging. BUT I felt super grateful…

Grateful for the sound of the waves
Grateful for kisses from the sun
Grateful for family time
Grateful for quiet mornings in the Word
Grateful for beach walks in prayer
Grateful for cousin snuggles
Grateful for my body

Yes. I’m grateful for my body. And I’m constantly reminding myself of all that God created it to do. Past summers at the beach have been miserable. Last summer I couldn’t go and maintain recovery at the same time. But this year… This year I was on the beach and in the waves and I was just so grateful. Wow, God is good. His healing is full of redemption and restoration and experiencing that on that trip was a dream. A dream that came true. Praising the Lord for His new mercies EVERY morning!!!

I would love to pray over anyone for healing and restoration and redemption… or whatever is needed!!! Just drop me a message and let’s experience His love together. Sending much love… Especially to my friends with body image struggles.

July 13, 2021 ~ CELEBRATED 19 YEARS OF LIFE!!! It was such a sweet day… My favorite part was worshipping the One True King that evening at the Porch (at Watermark Church) with such intentional and steadfast friends. Y’all… There was and IS no better way to end the day than with JESUS!!!

Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus

Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus, You silence fear
Jesus, Jesus, You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus

Your name is a light that the shadows can’t deny
Your name cannot be overcome
Your name is alive forever lifted high
Your name cannot be overcome

August 15, 2021 ~ MY BAPTISM DAY!!!

By far the most special day of my nineteen years so far. Thanking the LORD for NEW LIFE!!!! And the people I get to celebrate that with. Wow. Still in awe of His goodness on that day and every day.

My Father continues to show up. Jesus continues to be my best friend. And the Holy Spirit continues to fill me with fire. PRAISE JESUS!!! Literally just over here in my dorm room (YEP… MOVED IN… Keep reading!!) drooling over that day.

Hey!! Ask me about JESUS!!

Romans 6!!!

August 19, 2021 ~ MOVE IN TO BAYLOR DAY!!! Wow… Officially a college girl. And couldn’t be more excited. But… Real talk- this transition is hard. Change is hard. But I know that I’m not alone in this new season of life. My Father is right with me every step of the way. Kaitlyn, my sweet roommate, is sticking by my side. And, I’ve got some pretty cool Baylor friends surrounding me during this time! SIC’ EM BEARS!!!

So… To sum it all up… I’m just super super super THANKFUL!!! And am happily in an ongoing, lifelong season of PRAISING THE LORD!!! That doesn’t mean life isn’t difficult at times. I’m choosing to praise Him in the midst of hard seasons. I’m finding my joy in the Lord and not in my circumstances.

Now… “Do you still have eating disorder thoughts?”

To answer this question simply… Yes. Each day is a battle in my mind. I’m a human, living as a fallen sinner in a fallen world. So, yes, I still battle my mental health. But there’s hope… My spirit has been born again with Christ and I have received a right standing with Christ, not because of my own doings, but because Jesus died on the cross for me. My body, mind, will, and emotions were not born again… My Spirit was. Because my body was not born again in the new birth, I will have to do something with my body. I will have to present it to God as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1). And I will have to do something with my mind. I will have to get my mind renewed with the Word (Romans 12:2). The Holy Spirit has been sent to us to deal with our flesh and its desires. Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the desires of the flesh.

If and when we renew our mind, will, and emotions, our actions will follow. Basically, when I’m struggling, I am simply not operating out of the Holy Spirit, I am operating from my own spirit. Renewing my mind in the Word creates a renewed energy and a brightened countenance within me, allowing the Holy Spirit to operate through me.

All that to say, what spirit are YOU walking in? Yes, we are fallen people and will not walk with the Holy Spirit from time to time, creating distress in our lives. BUT… As a Believer, our new birth comes with the gift of a renewed Spirit- the Holy Spirit.

I still struggle with eating disorder thoughts, anxious thoughts, and depressed thoughts. But as a born again Believer, I know how to take the thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ… The ONLY way to walk in the Holy Spirit.

My encouragement to y’all would be this: ask yourself what spirit you are operating out of. Are you struggling? Maybe you’re focused on yourself and your emotions and feelings. When we’re focused on ourselves, there is absolutely no room to focus on the Lord. Let’s change that by taking our thoughts captive!! Are you joyful? Check in with yourself and see if you’re finding your joy in the Lord and not in your circumstances… Your circumstances are fleeting. The Lord is not!! Keep pushing through, my friends!! We can do this… We are not alone. The Holy Spirit is dwelling within US. Hallelujah!!